Family
Family is what you love
Family is what you live for
Family is the means of life
Family is what structures our world
With no family there would be no world
Family is Love
I am trying to show you that your family is what you should look forward to seeing daily. You should look forward to feeling there love. I am showing you that family and love is the basis for the world and that we shouldn't take it for granted.
Family is what you love
Family is what you live for
Family is the means of life
Family is what structures our world
With no family there would be no world
Family is Love
I am trying to show you that your family is what you should look forward to seeing daily. You should look forward to feeling there love. I am showing you that family and love is the basis for the world and that we shouldn't take it for granted.
3 comments:
Hi Sam
Your poem was was good to read, though it was sort of short. The poem could have been longer, as with something longer we might have got more meaning out of it and got more of your initiative.
Most of your poem has the word "family" at the start. Don't take me wrong; the word is fine. It's just that when you have the word in 5/6 of your lines, the reader gets annoyed and may not dig into your poem. Sure, they may read it, but they may think that it doesn't have the material it actually does. Again, increase the number of lines. When you do, put it in between "Family is what structures our world" and "With no family there would be no world". Just so that that beginning part could be your "intro". After that, stop using the word "family". Just to get a bit of a variety.
Also, try to have a really big line in its own stanza.
Maybe in between those two lines I told you to put a few more lines, you could do something like this:
Essentiality is what it is
It forms your life
Who you become
And what you do.
Live with your family
Learn what care is....
........
Maybe. It's rough, but do something like that. Basically more lines (by that I mean at least 5 more), and don't use the word "family" too much. All your lines has that word in it.
Just write a bit more, and it's over!
Hey sam
It's kind of repetitive and almost every sentence starts with Family is...and is a bit boring to read. Every sentence leads on to the next well which i like, it seams to be in some sort of order. Also you have a good meaning for your poem at the bottom but i dont really think it explains your poem and some more work should be done. Otherwise it is pretty good.
Andrew Jamieson
Sam I liked your poem but I thought that at some points it was a bit repetative also everytime after you say family you say is and I think if you took out all of the is's in your poem it would sound better.
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